For major problems with things alcoholic, please consult the telephone directory for your nearest AA meeting. Here are a few lesser problems:
Ingredients
Preparation
Brandy or liqueur won’t ignite
Step 1
It’s probably not hot enough. Drain it off if it’s feasible (don’t worry if it isn’t) and start with new alcohol. Most of the liquor will burn off anyway, so your guests shouldn’t get too sozzled—at least not from this dish. Heat the alcohol for flaming slowly, over a low flame. (If it gets too hot, it may ignite in the pan before you’ve added it to the food. If this happens, just pour it on the food right away.) When it’s hot, pour it on gently and ignite the fumes, not the liquid. Say, maybe that was your problem in the first place.
Drink tastes too strongly of alcohol
Step 2
We don’t know precisely what this means, but some people, not all of whom come from Iowa, think they do. An obvious answer for a punch or other mixed drink is to add more of whatever your alcohol is mixed with. But you’ve probably thought of that and you’re out of it. In which case, they tell us that floating a thin slice of cucumber in the drink (or long, thin slices of cucumber in the punch bowl) makes it less alcoholy tasting.
Not enough
Step 3
If you’re stuck with a depleted liquor cabinet before dinner, try making quick punch out of fruit juice, whatever you have that’s carbonated, and whiskey, rum, brandy, or vodka. Doctor it to taste with sugar, lemon, butter, rosemary, nutmeg, or whole cardamom.
Step 4
If it is between or after meals, things are simpler. Instead of punch, you can make Irish coffee, hot toddies, or brandied grog. Be sure you don’t ask people what they want. Come in with the stuff all ready and those who imbibe are less likely to refuse.
Punch too bland, missing something
Step 5
Assuming that what is missing is something other than alcohol, here are three seasonings that tend to give punch punch: cardamom, nutmeg, and rosemary. For a punch bowl, stir about 1 teaspoon rosemary, ground nutmeg, or ground cardamom into 1/2 cup hot fruit juice. Let it cool to room temperature (or, if you’re in a hurry, let it sit for 5 minutes and cool it by adding cold juice). Taste test it by adding a bit to a sample of the punch before you dump the whole thing in. No spices? A simple squirt of citrus will liven up most any punch.
